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For Happier Hearts – Take Time To ‘HEAL’
By Nicola Forshaw, NJ Coaching

Great relationships are good for you.  People who experience relationships that make them feel fulfilled, valued, loved and worthwhile, thrive.  People in supportive relationships feel healthier, happier and are much less likely to have mental or physical health problems.

However, with one in three marriages ending in divorce, as do two out of three in second marriages, finding that lasting, happy union is becoming increasingly rare.  So how can we protect ourselves if we are experiencing the breakdown of a close relationship?  It’s very common to hit the bottle, to sleep around, to lose sleep, to binge eat or stop eating altogether.  But what about the detrimental effects these extreme comfort tactics have upon our mental and physical wellbeing?  Why not try the HEAL method, to experience a holistic and natural approach to accelerating the recovery process.

‘H’ is for HALT 

STOP – stop denying reality, stop destructive behaviours, stop beating yourself up!  Denial is a very natural phase in any healing process, but only increases prolonged suffering.  Face up to the realities – this is very painful, but releases a lot of negative tension, and it stops wasting precious energy on fantasies such as taking revenge or being reunited.  Accept what you cannot change.  Some of the realities are – you are hurt, you are emotional, you are in pain, you are empty, you are lonely.  This final emotion is the most difficult to come to terms with.  But remember, not any one person can bring you every happiness.  You are your own best friend, realise it.

‘E’ is for EMPATHISE 

Empathise with yourself, look into yourself for honest answers, don’t judge yourself, but look to how you have contributed to the situation and take responsibility.  Accept the reality, ask questions such as “did you put your ex on a pedestal?”, or “were there any warning signs?”.  Explore your feelings, don’t hide from them, feel them and experience release when you let them go.

‘A’ is for ACCEPTANCE 

Accept the lessons.  Learn from them.  Sometimes the only way we pay attention to our needs is when we feel them at their extremes, and sometimes this can be through pain.  What are the lessons you have learned about self-esteem, love, your choice of partner?  What have you learnt about your fears within relationships?  As you learn from these areas, you are growing, and preparing to let love back into you life - should you want or choose to.  Remember that you are learning to love yourself first. 

‘L’ is for LIVING 

Live life at the next level!  Through exploring the painful and negative experiences, you have guided yourself to explore new alternatives.  To start living life in a more fulfilling way, try new things, look at new ways of taking care of yourself, find new interests, learn about yourself and how you relate with others.  By challenging some of your old and accepted ways, you’ll have developed a renewed sense of self.  Love yourself.  You can take risks, and by doing so you can enjoy improved self-esteem and attract positive relationships, passion, fun and love in your life.

The HEAL method really can accelerate your healing.  Start to love yourself, and you will attract many beautiful things into your life.  For more information about love and relationships, visit Nicola at or contact her by telephone on +44 (0)151 678 9000.








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